Holiday weekend tidbits about Queen Victoria, courtesy of HUNKS Comedy

This column is a (comedic) opinion by HUNKS sketch comedy group in Winnipeg. For more information about CBC’s Opinion section, please see the FAQ.

Ah, May Long Weekend!

The main weekend where we celebrate Queen Victoria’s birthday by drinking at breakfast and barfing into an active fire pit, just like she did (queens: they’re just like us!). 

Sure we’ve all heard the stories about how Victoria walked into a fire and emerged with three baby dragons, or her legendary performance at Live Aid back in ’85. 

But, how well do we really know Queen Victoria? Here are a few interesting tidbits about QV that might surprise you. 

1. She was an avid writer.

It’s estimated that Queen Victoria wrote 2,500 words a day, which, when adjusted for inflation, equals 17,000 words in today’s market!  She mostly wrote sitcom scripts, and at the time of her death, was working on a pilot about a queen who worked for UPS called Queen of Queens

2. Her first name was Alexandrina.

Queen Victoria’s full name was actually Alexandrina Victoria, but she simply went with Victoria when her reign began. Many royals throughout history have opted to drop their birth names for various reasons, such as Queen O.J. Elizabeth of Windsor, King Hitler George VI, and Queen Tara Reid Anne the First.  

3. She was the first sovereign to live in Buckingham Palace.

Queen Victoria took up residence at Buckingham Palace shortly after her reign began. Prior to that, Her Royal Majesty ruled out of her ’97 Sunfire and spent most of  her days at the coffee shop on the corner.

Fun factoid: prior to life at Buckingham Palace, Her Royal Majesty ruled out of her ‘97 Sunfire, according to HUNKS. (Photo illustration by HUNKS)

4. She was known as the Grandmother of Europe.

She earned this nickname due to her propensity to give out scotch mints and deem her subjects “handsome young men.” Queen Victoria was also known as the Second Cousin of South Africa, the Drunk Uncle of Seattle and the Leather Daddy of Vietnam.

5. She was only 4’11”.

A wee bitty dinkums of a ruler, Queen Victoria was barely taller than the tallest lemonade stand. Many who met her initially mistook her for a child, though that may have been due to the milk moustache and her love of dinosaurs.

6. She was the first monarch to ride a train.

Until Victoria, monarchs travelled by riding horses, dogs, smaller people and, in some parts of Europe, wheels of cheese. 

So this May long weekend, while you’re tubing naked on the lake, getting a blackout on a Thursday, or getting high and shaving the dog, do it in the name of Queen Victoria: Grandmother of Europe, Mother of  Dragons, and the reason for the season.